Don't Live Like a Victim

Written by: N.S. Palmer | Posted on: | Category:

Don't live like a victim.

Even in the most fortunate life, some bad things will happen. To you. To me. To everyone.

Sometimes, it's because of what other people do. Sometimes, it's just a matter of luck. And sometimes, it's because of what we do.

From those facts, people jump to opposite conclusions that are both incorrect. They believe that either:

  • We have total control over our lives. If we think positive and work hard, we'll inevitably succeed.
  • Or we have no control over our lives, so nothing we do makes any difference. External forces (other people, society, "the system," etc.) will always thwart us.

The first belief sometimes pays off. Hard work and positive thinking can take us a long way -- if we're lucky.

But if we're not lucky, we can "do everything right" and still fail. In that case, the first belief leads to the second.

From believing that we control everything, we go to the other extreme and believe that we control nothing.

And that is living like a victim: just sitting on the ground, whimpering, waiting for the cruel world to hit us again.

Don't do that. It's not a good way to live.

Sure, there are things in our lives that we don't control. But there are also things that we do control.

Hard work and positive thinking can't guarantee success, but they make it more likely.

And even failure can be our friend if it inspires us to think about what went wrong. If it was something we can control, then next time we can prevent it.

The bottom line is the same as always:

  • Do your best, but be realistic. You won't always win.
  • Even when you lose, stay positive and constructive.
  • Always look for ways to do better.
  • Don't live like a victim.

Check out my book Why Sane People Believe Crazy Things: How Belief Can Help or Hurt Social Peace. Kirkus Reviews called it an "impressively nuanced analysis."